Darik's Story: Diagnosed During the Holidays

Today, I completed the third year of a five-year prognosis, and I couldn't be more grateful to be alive.

On November 16, 2020, I received the call that I had cancer. It wasn’t until December 24 that I was told it was late-stage. All I knew at this juncture was that I was in for the fight of my life, although I had not the faintest idea of what that would entail. Little did I know that my life, as I’ve always known it, would soon be over. Once treatments start, everything changes. The first line of treatment for my stage 4 prostate cancer was Androgen Deprivation Therapy (ADT), which prevents or slows the production of the testosterone hormone. The treatment, akin to chemical castration, brought significant changes, including the loss of libido and muscle, along with mood swings and intense hot flashes. It felt like getting the flu for five minutes every hour.

During the initial 18 months, I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to tolerate this for whatever time I had left. Luckily, I had/have enough purpose in life to dig in and realize that I love my life, and I’m not ready for it to be over. The following 18 months would become all about quality of life goals. There was almost nothing I wouldn't try to stop the suffering. My motivation was focused and unwavering… "I will be grateful for every minute I have on this planet; I will be grateful for and enjoy to the very fullest the life I managed to build, the relationships I’m lucky enough to embrace, and cherish the love of my family and friends.” This meant a complete rebuild starting with my mind. I discovered mindset work and honestly believe this is a superpower that is the essence of life itself once you open yourself up to it. Anyone who knows, knows, as they say. It also meant I would have to completely change my physical lifestyle to adapt to my current situation. First mind, then body. Since this disease ravages metabolism, trying to stay in front of it was no longer a luxury of vanity. I guess luckily the depression got rid of the first 50 pounds, so the trick now was to build back the muscle and try like hell to maintain it. I wish I could say I love going to the gym, but I don’t. Nonetheless, it's no longer optional if I aim to overcome these challenges and try to keep my spirit up enough to continue the fight.

Lastly, I needed to find some faith. I have no religion, and not much has changed on that front. It’s not that I don’t see its use, but for me, the dogma and stories are too much of a business of carrying out someone else’s agenda. This was tricky for me as I am not anti-faith, but discovering the right brew for me would take some work. Maybe not so strangely, I found faith in nature. I found myself becoming more and more one with all living things. I studied the birth of the universe and became obsessed with science, evolution, cell biology, and the human genome. The fact that we all come from a single cell that survived under the cruelest conditions spoke volumes to me. It told me that we exist as a result of surviving trauma and difficulties, NOT the contrary. It is our ability to adapt that matters the most. I found comfort in the fact that all life is connected, and through this energy, anything is possible. It forced me to ask myself questions that I never wanted to answer. It forced me to seek out uncomfortable situations in order to grow rather than slumber in the comfort and conveniences of the modern world. This change in perspective gave me faith and, in turn, presented hope. This indeed was my Shawshank moment.

I’m sure I sound crazy when people hear me say that cancer may be the best thing that ever happened to me. Nevertheless, if I could turn back time, I would advise my primary care provider to conduct a yearly PSA from age 40. Reflecting on my past, there are other aspects I would also reconsider. A lifestyle encompassing over two decades of smoking, weekend binge drinking, and a diet heavy in red meat, carbs, dairy, and processed foods, combined with maintaining stress levels between 5 and 10, might not result in a complete surprise if confronted with a life-threatening disease. While lifestyle choices are in our control, I’ve come to understand that my thought patterns are solely under my influence. Despite having had a fulfilling life, I now recognize that cultivating a positive mindset, embracing a healthier approach to nutrition, and finding faith would have been more beneficial than concealing my struggles in detrimental habits driven by anger, resentment, and insecurities. Such is the nature of life and humanity. Despite the beauty inherent in the masterpiece of the human experience, we continue to be our own worst enemy until tragedy strikes. 

So, here I am, about to start year four of my five-year prognosis. I wish I could say I’m not anxiety-ridden. The truth is, thinking, living, eating, and breathing cancer 24/7 is exhausting. It’s hard on a marriage, it’s hard to work, it’s hard to do the things you love without getting easily tired. It’s a strain on every aspect of life, and you just hope and pray you don’t push everyone away or, worse, overburden them with the enormity of it all. I’ll often hear myself saying, I just need a break. But a break means death, so that’s off the table. Every choice is a difficult choice when it comes to advanced-stage cancer. All I know is that I’m blessed to be here still, and I plan on making the very best of it until I’m gone. So, thank you to all of you who have made this a little bit easier with your love, support, generosity, and kindness. I’ve entered a very exciting time of my life where I now get to empty the retirement account and check off some boxes. It’s time to really live until one or the other finally runs out. 

For now…I’m just happy to be alive.